Last night I heard a news anchor comment that Donald was acting like a 5 year old but that was when narcissism may be at its highest. Now I find that to be true and relevant. My narcissistic behavior was a result of something that occurred at age 4 as I witnessed my mother attempt suicide. I have maintained that this is when the Narcissistic PD developed and have often stated that age 4 is possibly the beginning of narcissism.
The baseline for a narcissist is a strong belief that most rules only apply to others and you can live by your own set of rules. Try to keep this in mind and see if it applies to examples below.
Before I continue I want to clarify a few things. I am not a clinical provider nor am I trained in diagnosing others but...I have a lifetime of experiences to draw on.
Ok- case in point. In your mind (??) perhaps its narcissistic for me to even say that I understand the inner workings of the mind of the person about to become the most powerful man on earth. :-) Or perhaps we are 100+ words into this entry and well...its been about me and not Trump...be patient I will get there and enjoy the narcissist ride
As I have written entries pertaining to narcissism and how it has affected me I have maintained a few beliefs that I want to share because most of what I see in print uses words like "Incurable" "Will never change" "Sucks the energy out of you" and those don't offer much reason to believe we can get better...I mean its a nasty disorder but its also can be managed. That of course requires acknowledgment and a sincere desire to change. It's been hard for me trying to retrain my 49 year old brain. Another disorder that like Narcissism uses the phrase "can suck the air out of the room" that being Bi-Polar. Yet we don't run from a bi-polar but we do when dealing with a narcissist.
We have all observed the behavior of the narcissist. Often it can be developed with power and wealth. Many CEO's and upper level management folks will carry certain traits although they are probably not diagnosable. Case in point- when an hourly employee leaves early it requires them to use their time off. A salaried manager on the other hand may miss hundreds of hours over their employment that is never recorded...so as you might see the behavior is not necessarily the disorder
Throughout the campaign as I observed Trumps behavior I actually at times felt sorry for him because I knew the inner turmoil raging inside of him. I also maintained in my blog that there is a difference between the traits and the actual disorder. I can't tell you for sure which he has...but does it matter? No because the behaviors can be the same.
The synonyms associated with NPD are
vain, self-loving, self-admiring, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, conceited, self-centered, self-regarding, egotistic, egotistical, egoistic;
informal full of oneself
Sound like anyone we know?
Some "hot" words and phrases to the narcissist are
1- Trust me. This actually means DON'T Challenge my orders/ways of doing things or I will destroy you
2- The end will always justify (My) the means
3- If you attack me I will destroy you.
4- If I believe you have attacked me even if you haven't see #3
5- If I start a sentence with "How dare you...." RUN and fast...this sort of statement is the precipice of extreme anger and touches the soul of the narcissist and their greatest fear- being discovered as a fraud
6- You exist for me and to meet my needs.
Now....The Mayo clinic describes the PERSONALITY DISORDER (Not the traits per se but the actual disorder)
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Often narcissism is from power and wealth. Two things that allow someone to feel like society's rules may or may not apply to us and even if it does it meets our definition of the rule. So the tricky part with Donald is...are we dealing with the disorder or just the traits. Is his narcissism created solely by wealth and power? We will never know that. Again, I am not qualified to discern the two but really I want to just show how our minds think. Referring to the 6 words/phrases above...I can find multiple examples of each that apply to me.
Now, referring back to my research, almost everyone I have read or talked to will say narcissism is hopeless and the narcissist is your enemy. This of course hamstrings those of us that do accept the diagnosis and want to change. Can you imagine being told you are pretty much worthless?
Here was an entry I wrote last May trying to describe the difference between the traits and the personality
Dr. Alan Schwartz differentiates the two
"It’s important to remember that the major distinction between the narcissist and the narcissistic personality disorder is that the narcissistic is not mentally ill, does not have a personality disorder and is most interested in gaining power, money and prestige. Too many narcissists succeed in their pursuits. There is no need to worry about the self-esteem of the narcissist, they have an over-abundance of it.
Allow me to try and explain how I react and then look at Trumps reactions. My explanation of myself will be pre-diagnosis. What I was like.
I think if ex-employers and certain friends understood Narcissism they would see these traits in me, at times. So here are some ways I am narcissistic and you can draw your own conclusions on Trump
1- Unless you strongly disagreed with me...I presumed you were 100% in agreement with me 2- If I feel like I know the subject better than you...you better understand that as well
3- I can lecture for hours
4- I can spend hours re-reading e-mails I wrote that I thought were really well written (LOL)
5- If you really piss me off I will destroy you. (Not so true for me...you need power to do this)
6- You can't hurt me because everything you say about me isn't true. The TRUTH is the smallest criticism is met with anger, flight or fight and will always be on our mind. There really isn't forgiveness with the true narcissist.
7- Your existence is to provide me with comfort and to feed my ego
8- Stroke that ego and you will be my best friend...until you do something that makes me question your loyalty
9- There are not two sides. There is one and its mine
10- We never lie or exaggerate -Reality is determined by us, of course :-) along with what's real and what's not
11- King of conflicting statements
13- We can justify just about anything we do.
12- As stated earlier, and this is key, the End will ALWAYS justify the means
I could go on with more examples but I think (hope) my point has been made. We weave ourselves in and out of social norms often determining our own. When the occasional situation arises where an apology is needed...we will milk that. Trump will come on the news and talk about the detractors he has won.
Everything he says is narcissistic. You can apply my examples or Dr. Schwartz's definition. Perhaps the hardest part is getting that person to soul search. I've been doing that for 2 1/2 years and am still working on it.
Trump won't change folks. I predict he walks away. He will quit. In his narcissistic mind you should be grateful he is in charge.
Remember with a narcissist its not black and white...its what we want it to be.
Finally, he knew he would win. He knew it every part of his being...again, we determine the truth and when our Narcissism wins it just reinforces the negative behavior.