People with BPD need validation (Not necessarily agreement) and yesterday I received some. An organization that does much work with Mental health, contacted me asking if they could put my blog on their website. All along I have hoped this candid, real look at one persons struggle, especially diagnosed later in life.
With narcissism its easy to get wrapped up in your own writing. Of course it all makes sense to me but I imagine not always to the reader. I have to try to be humble and let this go where it may...yes its about my life but it's really not about me, just my journey. Great song by Toby Mac called "Steal My show" I need to remember that. Only God can truly touch peoples hearts, I am perhaps a conduit but I don't want to pretend that its because of me, all glory goes to him...plus a few people do read this on a regular basis and they often contact me offering encouragement.
The danger in talking too much about God is that when Christians say/act like all you need is God and he is treatment enough and he will deliver you if you believe. While there may be some truth to that its the second part I take issue with. First I believe God utilizes people to bring in our lives to help and be a shoulder to lean on. It also feels a little hollow. Of course God could change me overnight if he chose but he could also reverse my mothers brain damage...so who is to say that the only answer is God. I believe spiritually is part of the equation but again lets not in any way pretend we know God's will and lets really not present it as a pass/fail option. And that's how it feels when someone comes on too strong about Christ (he is the only way to heaven so I do not mean to minimize him in any way) but we all have a cross to bear and only he knows what that means. Only he knows what deliverance and healing look like. That will happen in God's way and time.
Having said all of that there clearly is no way for me to deny that he is a source of comfort and peace.
I have always had hope. Most of my life I have genuinely believed tomorrow was a new day and could be better than the day before. Looking back that belief is probably carried me through some tough days.
What about faith? What it is it? Well....since you asked :-)
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see
- About the only way I can carry on is to keep my faith and hope. It's hard to have faith, its really hard when you struggle with abandonment (See yesterday's post) to trust, unbelievably hard. It's hard to be still and listen for God with 3 kids at home and a wife that works. Some days as I have said it takes all day to just to survive all day. Yet so many of my songs have been sad. Today I want to leave you with hope and a promise from God to you. Today I offer a song of hope and a great tune