- Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.
As I have struggled with DBT therapy and felt hopeless, unable to be helped and felt like DBT was sort of like a snake oil salesman. Some of those feelings have changed and some not so much. But rather than talk about what DOESN'T work with DBT I want to talk about what has worked
To follow up on the last post here was where I was on Monday, here was an e-mail to my dad and a friend
Doing much better this week. I am going to chat with her about it tomorrow, otherwise its the pink elephant in the room. I was able to look at where these feelings were coming from and I think it can best be summed up by saying
a) First therapist, Dad, Wife and 3 Psychiatrists diagnosed me
b) Having already been misdiagnosed Bi P and having 30 ppl tell me (In that field) I am not Bi Polar confuses the treatment
c) Don't want my psychiatrist and therapist to be "treating" different things
d) Makes me feel like all the work and pain is invalidated.
e) While there are many similarities there are some inherent differences
1) According to Dr. Friedel, director of the BPD program at Virginia Commonwealth University, there are three main differences between BPD and bipolar disorder:
1. People with BPD cycle much more quickly, often several times a day.
2. The moods in people with BPD are more dependent, either positively or negatively, on what's going on in their life at the moment. Anything that might smack of abandonment (however farfetched) is a major trigger.
3. In people with BPD, the mood swings are more distinct. Marsha M. Linehan, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, says that while people with bipolar disorder swing between all-¬encompassing periods of mania and major depression, the mood swings typical in BPD are more specific. She says, "You have fear going up and down, sadness going up and down, anger up and down, disgust up and down, and love up and down."
#2- 100% accurate for me.
I'm not going to say all of the above because that opens up the door for discussion. Ultimately I have to feel comfortable and after seeing Dr. Huston, I am Ok with that and have no intensity to my feelings since I settled on this. The narcissism gets in the way because sometimes it rings true (Not because, but in spite of, I would say)
I told her I had decided to take a break. I told her I needed to just breathe and dealing with the pain may be too much right now. I also mentioned that the different diagnosis' were confusing.
Her response surprised me. She said that she had a change of heart since last week and she felt God was telling her that this family needed Joy, a season of Jubilee. She said she saw some skills in me that are underdeveloped or dormant. She saw her role as one of bringing Joy and restoring the family but said she really understood and accepted that and we agreed that her being here for Jordan sort of left me safe as I would have access to her if need be.
I had prayed earlier in the week that God would help me keep an open mind. Before she came I prayed for a calm soul. All along the only bad part was I wondered if this was the devil at work.
So....I decided to keep seeing her and we agreed on some basic ground rules :-)
1- Let the diagnosis go. Not focus on that as much as how to deal with life day to day.
2- No pain history unless I initiate it
3- The right to turn my individual session to a family one if need be
So.....I feel like God put that sense of peace in my heart.
That’s great Michael. Sounds like some mindfulness at work
Some of my biggest struggles are with staying in the present. Of late my "present" pretty much sucks. Then it all came together in a moment of clarity
Things that happen are not always due to my actions. If staying in the present sucks then maybe its time to change the present
I have spent the last few days in respite. Emotions have held up well, I am trying not to let my narcissism dictate a "perceived" meaning by others that is incorrect.
My new goal is simple. Continue on the good work this family has done and just stop and breathe once in awhile. Remember to cherish today and worry less about tomorrow. I finally feel some peace about this and some of my strength is returning
I still see a lot of room for education and fighting stigmas. Please check out
@bondobbs blog and videos. Here is a video that is awesome for those that would like more understanding as to the thoughts we have to fight every day
Remember these are not intended to justify our behavior or actions but does offer some perspective