That has at least temporarily stabilized. I received a call from the same place I receive Psych services at. Part of the issue to being seen there is distance, location (it's in a diff place than the Dr office) and that while case managers turn over, therapists do not. Many are still there from when I worked there. But a friend who is the manager as well called me and we found a guy that can see me as early as Monday. Someone I don't know. So that's helped me just knowing that someone cares, validates me and helped me get connected to services.
CVA- Care, Validation, Access
That's a piece of the magic formula right there.
I was up at 1, wrote a hurt response to the org. that has suggested we look elsewhere. Went back to sleep. I awoke to an e-mail from my original therapist who I believe is now just a friend. Her words of encouragement just helped the hurting part of me. Her validation helped my bruised sense of self. I know she is busy and e-mails when she can and the 1x a week or less is probably good so we avoid codependency. But she is a kind, caring, christian and I feel no doubt her words to me are from God as well. And I have to accept that I simply may never find "her" again. When someone is special that means they are rare as well. God has big plans for her, I have no doubt.
Much of my back and hip pain seem controlled w/Gabitintin which is non narcotic- a nerve med. Some back pain, some leg pain though not near the severity it was but my current issue is extreme pain in my groin/gut. I had dual inguinal hernia repair in 2012 and the surgical site never healed well. The pain is way up there. I saw a Dr. yesterday, not mine. He ordered a CT Scan. Funny thing was as I was leaving he said if the pain subsided I should cancel. Before I left the last "home health enter' (SM Med for the locals) they were debating between a CT Scan and ultrasound so I will keep it regardless. It's been on the back burner (No pun intended) with the other issues. Maybe the pain control of the back and hip just put this pain to the fore front. Anxious for my nerve study test in 2 weeks.
Pain is often a component of so many MH issues, especially irritability and depression. It's hard for me to figure out how it affects me, I know I have a high pain tolerance but also a lot of irritability and depression .I am currently in one of my self destructive phases.
It started with the therapist last Wed. Shortly after all of that emotion I shut off my face book account. Didn't post a reason, didn't contact anyone. Many have my e-mail and can contact me if they desire. Having a friend just cut me off, drop me as a friend, etc...along with the pain I was in (am in?) I just decided it served no purpose but to hurt me.
I contacted the org. that had asked for my participation and just said I couldn't do it, not right now. The very thing I had desired was offered to me and like everything else I destroyed it. This one is really hard. I had hoped to share my bio but I imagine that's also not going to happen. I shut off yet again someone that was supportive of me.
I feel fundamentally broken. We will see what Monday's new therapy appt brings.