To summarize for those not familiar with my story...after I was diagnosed Borderline in Sept 2014 I had a great therapist. After 8 months we were starting to push forward a little and then her husband was assigned out of this area so she moved. The summer was rough, finally found a therapist I feel a connection too but have only had 2 visits. Two and a half weeks ago I plummeted to some pretty dark depths. If I were suicidal I am not sure what would have happened. It was that bad.
It had culminated in a rough encounter regarding my daughter and I getting an in home therapist. When I shared that with the Dr. I think I said it so that he was so focused on the last event that he didn't credit the 3 days prior and the depression. He talked about my inability to control my emotions within a given day, fluctuating. The narcissism getting in the way...especially when I didn't get my way. It felt like he was blaming me, picking on me.
I guarantee you he doesn't see the above, the same as I do. I am sure he was illustrating something to me, something I need to work on, because it's true. Ok, so here is some growth on my part (I hope).
It doesn't matter if it was fully applicable in that situation. It is something I do and he was only trying to help me
It still was and is a little rough. It feels like at times, I may not get better. This may be it. A high level of awareness, the depth of narcissism interfering with my life.
I get it. Just can't live it...yet. He suggested Tai Chi. I may. He suggested this instead of DBT. I may look into it.
The Dr and my new therapist work for the same place. I am so appreciative of how much Dr Huston gave me and still does. I hope I see him a long time, I do believe he cares. I like my therapist though and this is really in his area of expertise (I think my Dr was also a therapist at one time)
I think I will be Ok. Lots of Dr visits this week so at least I'll be busy
Hoping to have my "hurt" meet my "healer" today