The 9 symptoms of borderline personality disorder
Fear of abandonment
Unclear or unstable self-image (Big one for me)
Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors
Self-harm- Primarily Cutting/burning and suicide. (This is the one that I didn't have)
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
Extreme emotional swings.
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.
I think its fair to say that the people who know me best along with anyone has followed my blog would agree that I could come up with multiple examples of the other 8.
As I experienced my diagnosis, treatment and current state....I realized that I *must* do some sort of emotional cutting...wasn't sure there was such a thing till I googled it. I do it...all the time. So what is "Emotional Cutting" I will offer 2 explanations.
The practice of purposely seeking out things that you know will only hurt you
People suffering from borderline personality disorder, through no fault of their own, have no sense of safety within themselves, so are on a constant search for any form of safety from external sources. Unfortunately, and ironically, the ‘safety’ they have experienced in the past has been found in crises.They therefore feel ‘comfortable’ and safe in the midst of a crisis, whether this is in a relationship setting or any other. So they rebound continually from one crisis to another, feeling ‘safe’ in the moment of this unfortunate familiarity, seemingly ignorant of the stress and strain they are putting not only on their own well-being and recovery, but also on others close to them.They become stuck in this spiral and it is the most difficult of all achievements to spin themselves right out of it, as anything outside of this spiral is extremely threatening and unsafe, to them
To tie in the early statement that we lack self identity as a reason to "cut" this one sort of ties into that one...we thrive in crisis (in our minds)
The Best site I have found to study BPD's is
Bon Dobbs is the creator/moderator. @bondobbs
I use Music primarily...I know what playlists drive what emotions. I also use the thought of people I care about dying and the effect it would have. You must remember that my "evolution" began with a greater understanding of finality. People die, people move away, not everyone maintains long distance relationships which led me to finally understanding the consequences of some of my behavior. If I want to feel sad that's easy...I think its feeling the pain, wanting the pain and embracing the pain that cause these feelings. They are intense, fearful, depressing, painful and craved at times. But they are my safety net.
Can you imagine how much it must suck to live the bolded part of the above paragraph.
The good news is...we don't have to stay that way, especially those of us that accept and embrace this. This is where mindfulness comes in. Taking ourselves away from those dark places...it starts with recognizing all the triggers you can and finding ways to cope when the feelings creep back in.
One thing I use are my kids and pets. We got a kitten for Christmas. He adores me and vice versa. When I start to feel the unhealthy emotions creeping in I just lay in bed petting my purring kitten or my dog. Or I find one of my kids or my wife to just come in and talk to me.
Folks if you have learned nothing else as you have read my blog...I am a fighter. I have been knocked down so many times in my life but I have always gotten back up no matter how painful the experience. I am not asking for pity...just a greater understanding of this struggle, the pain and the healing....and a sense that some kindness can go an awful long way with people hurting...something as simple as "I may not understand what you are going through exactly...but I care and I am here if you need me"