We tried case management with some mixed results. Case Management is an intensive program that allows non-clinical social workers (Minimum requirements and often a spring board for aspiring therapists) to spend a lot of time with the patient. It had mixed results
My daughter is somewhat of an anomaly. She has avoided drugs, rebellious behavior and promiscuity her underlying causes are literally loss and abandonment. She lost 2 aunts an uncle and basically 2 grandma's in about a 6 year span. My own issues and unemployment have added to the stress we all feel.
She was hospitalized again a week ago. She puts so much stress on herself about grades, her body (she's 14) and her inability to remove herself from situations where people dump on her. She struggles with giving more than she is capable of or should.
The other thing that was interesting was that this came at the end of the week of the explosion of "13 Reasons Why" We actually live in the Shawnee Mission School District, one of 2 nationwide that alerted parents, and they did send an e-mail out. One of the things our daughter shared with us is that the talk among the kids themselves was pretty hard for her. Almost joking and making light of suicide. Due to my daughter sharing with some friends and just the way gossip travels...its known that she has pretty severe anxiety.
So....we are back where we were in Sept. 2016. A kid that's hurting, that needs the support that Residential Treatment can provide
Don't anyone think, that as her father, the above is easy for me to say or admit!
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I have fought the State and at this point have had to turn it over to her therapist. Even if she qualifies for the screen and subsequently the placement, there is a 4-5 month wait list.
Is this how we want to help our kids?
Entry from Sept. 2016
My last entry was about a beautiful experience I shared with my 13 year old about 10 days ago. I also tried to share some of what she is dealing with, her own journey and the pain I/we see and the feeling that we can't/aren't helping. Man its painful.
Sunday afternoon, after a visit by a relative who likes to tease, I made what I thought was an innocuous statement and that led to her retreating and withdrawing into her room. I know she doesn't like to be teased but this hit her harder than that. I saw a look in her eyes and it scared the hell out of me. Dull, listless, without hope. I had seen that same look when someone I was very close to attempted suicide. Anyone familiar with this "look" knows the chills it sends down your spine.
I went in and sat with her for awhile. Just sitting there....then I asked her how bad is it? She said "Dad, its real bad. I have had thoughts of hurting myself and even killing myself."
I just sat there. My "Operations" mind combined with a little experience in this soon led to me asking her if she could commit to a no harm contract or if we needed to go to the hospital. Initially she wasn't sure. She shared with me that things had really gone downhill quickly in school. The boy that broke up with her last spring has been downright hateful...saying things like "I wish you were dead, I really do." Because of her passive personality she feels ostracized. She shared that she hadn't been completely forthcoming with her therapist or case manager because she didn't want to make them feel "let down." Understandable....and frankly worthy of its own entry.
She shared that she struggled with therapy and case management. That DBT is pushed so hard it doesn't allow her to struggle or the "Your not trying hard enough" starts getting put out there. Again....worthy of its own entry.
We *MUST* be careful when we begin to talk treatment. We must be assured that it doesn't come across as if it doesn't work its because your not "trying hard enough" or "doing it right."
Well excuse the **** out of me. Wasn't aware you had walked in my shoes and fully know the depth of my pain and experiences but thank you very much for basically assuring me that I'll fail.
To some extent that is how she feels. Like a failure. Regardless of the fact we don't fully have her diagnosis yet. Regardless of the fact that treatment doesn't always work immediately and if it doesn't take then we need to give the patient a chance to regroup, try again or YES even try something different. We don't do a round of Chemo on a Cancer patient and if it succeeds 99% of the time we don't get on the other 1%. Same thing here...only we are now dealing with the organ we know the least about- the brain.
There is no "one way" or magic formula to treat mental illness. Until we embrace that we do a dis service to many people. People trying to help actually create a stigma.
So...if you were bullied, treatment wasn't working and your own pain was so deep you didn't feel like you could share it...well what does that leave?
What does that leave?
We know the answer to the question we just haven't learned how to deal with the question itself.
We wanted residential treatment in May but were denied. Insurance wanted all Outpatient services exhausted...I just hope "till exhausted" outlives hopelessness.