So, I guess, for me the worst conclusion is I lose and my attorney doesn't feel like its worth appealing. Chances are if I lose the attorney is "in for a dime, in for a dollar" at this point. That "appeal" would occur after my 50th birthday (16 months) and that is apparently the magic age for backs. I would need to try and secure some job that could pay something, of course the lower the pay the longer the hours and stress to make enough.
For those not really into religion you may want to stop here :-)
The other day I felt such a sense of peace knowing my Dad will be there. It was so humbling and yet just another example of how much he loves me.
I've lost hope along the way but pressed hard to keep my faith. I know God is not done with me yet. But sometimes I feel more like Thomas and less like Paul as I examine my own faith. As I reflected I remembered the day I left Florida with my ex and my daughter in tow. We only had enough money to make it to Chattanooga and I had actually "run away" from Chicago only 7 days earlier. I had left notes claiming that my cocaine addiction was so bad I had to leave. Did I do Cocaine? Rarely and in very small amounts. But it allowed me to justify in my mind that I had to run. Lost my best friend ever as I bailed on our Apartment and was facing getting to Chatt. and calling my folks, collect, to wire money so we could get home.
As I approached the Florida state line I began seeing this coffee house advertising "We pray with you" and so my ex and daughter were passed out and I stopped. Went in and two teens were very uncomfortable with my prayer request and said "Oh the owners do that and they work days." I left, embarrassed.
As I approached the last rest stop south of Atlanta I had $2 and a full tank, so I exited to get something to drink and some crackers for the little one. I walked up to the vending machine and noticed this "thing" following me. A dog, but not much of one. A skinny malnourished mutt, hair matted...pitiful. I knew what I had to do. I spent those $2 on water and crackers and walked back to the car...mutt following me.
With tears running down my face I gave "it" my crackers and water. My small car was packed as full as it could be or I would have taken him to the vet/pound in Atlanta. After about 10 minutes I had to go. Couldn't watch anymore.
As the dog sat looking at me as I pulled away I felt such a strong message where God said "Michael, think how much you loved that dog, and just know how much more I love you"
I have held onto this my entire life
So take a moment and listen to this song because it will be with me today, along with my Dad, wife, attorney and God.