When I first found out about my diagnosis, after the initial shock wore off, my immediate reaction was "How can I help others who don't have the support system I have?" I thought awareness, on a more grandiose scale I hoped someone would read this blog and it would somehow help...maybe that will happen.
That led to the shock of how big of a stigma this is. That hasn't worn off. It seems to me that we treat mental health like there is "something wrong" with that person. It wasn't till the mid-90's that depression and ADD were "really" accepted. Bi-polar is the hot topic now but you mention Borderline or Schizo disorders or split personality...people run. I've already had some close friends sort of pull away. Not much I can do about that.
So what can I really do? I think I need to begin focusing on realistic ways I can help others. Maybe a "real-time" look at a newly diagnosed BPD patient will somehow "take off" but not likely.
I realized that right now I can't do much for anyone. That's very hard to admit. Between the insomnia and the rut I am in, I barely have anything left for anyone else. I do believe that I can learn to deal with this, control it the best I can and lead a productive life. As I think about my therapy I know the first thing I have to do is deal with the grief of my sisters death, my mothers stroke and how close my marriage came to ending in 2008. Each one of those still has scars not yet healed. The time frame was late Aug-early Nov. so this is a tough season for us anyway. But my heart will awaken, I will find a way to help others. Going to work on a more positive post tomorrow called I want to live like that...goals are good.
Today though...I need rest, both physically, emotionally and spiritually. The process of hurt and healing is about to begin (I hope :-) ) Here is a song and a few lyrics in particular today...sort of where I am and where I hope to get to
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide