Sorta had a bomb shell dropped on me. Kinda reeling a little but at the same time it's what I have been asking for.
First let me say I really liked her, a lot. I would guess near my age
She let me lead (I didn't remember to ask her how much, if any, of my blog she read). So I decided to try and do 2005-current as that's when things began to spiral quickly. It took me maybe 40-45 minutes (Has to be a record) to hit the high (Low) points.
As I finished she started with, I don't hear much healing of your grief. I was sorta stunned as that's what I have wanted and feel like Jess and I were starting before she moved. I was worried a new therapist was going to come in and beat me over the head with DBT Therapy. Then the shock, she said she really didn't see BPD, only possibly PTSD, but closest to bi-polar. I don't know if that was based on my depression being months long, she didn't say. I found myself wanting to defend the diagnosis and tried to point out examples. Then I realized she is the professional. She also pointed out that we hadn't fully gone through my history so she wasn't saying I *DIDN'T* have BPD...just that she saw more bi-polar and pain, pain that needs healing. I took that to mean that before we assign a diagnosis we need to do some real healing.
So I was ok with that. But as I have pondered it...I am really confused to. Diagnosed Bi-Polar in 1995 by a bi-polar Dr, changed to general mood disorder 2006, changed to OCD/BPD/Severe depression in 2014...now Depression and Pain with some To be determined
So how wonderful, I am broken but we just aren't all in agreement as to where.
It's not even that I disagree with her, I believe she will be a huge help in dealing with the pain, it just would be nice to have a definitive diagnosis