It's too painful. The lack of support from people I considered life long friends has been absent, completely. All I really wanted to accomplish was to give some insight into someone newly diagnosed who had glaring symptoms all along the way that were never even considered...thought it may help others one day
I realize this probably reeks of BPD but I don't what to say. Writing hasn't been therapeutic, it's dredged up memories from long ago. I am not yet equipped to deal with them so the pain is intense and I don't know how to get rid of it.
I'm tired too. I read these ramblings and its quite apparent the 4 hour average sleep for 3 months is finally more than I can deal with. And though I see a psychiatrist....that may be changing as he has shown very little regard for the sleep issue and whenever we talk we just don't communicate well.
Not that Twitter has been a real good place for me to post, there have been a few real supportive people and I thank them. I will note no one re-tweeted yesterday's blog and it hit me that we really don't want to address these issues as a society and whatever "support" there is is sugar coated by promises of getting better and hearing "how good" you are doing. Makes me want to scream FUCK YOU
My final thought is this. Until we discuss MH issues, every day, we will continue to have mass shootings followed by keen interest...until another news story takes place then we don't talk about it. As a country we have a long history about not talking about things we need to.