It was 12 pages of drivel, talking about all these things I had neither heard nor seen. The judge asserted several times I was lying and playing the system. He placed most weight on the original (student) Psych who was very difficult and ended up having me go to someone else. I saw him 2x.
Much of it felt personal. He spent an entire page explaining why my diagnosing therapists' letter was not used and in his words "discarded." He stated that only a Dr (Per the law or his reading of it) can be given weight when determining disability. He pointed out I had seen 3 therapists (1st one moved, 2nd one was more nuts than me and I have seen Jeff since Aug. but they only had my records through Sept. 5th -Hearing was Oct 29th)
He stated that to qualify for disability for my back I had to be in treatment and being monitored by a Physician. He chose not to weigh in or acknowledge that I had, through no fault of my own, been without insurance since Sept. 1st. So I can't see the back and Ortho Doctor's.
The irony should be somewhat evident. Take away my insurance then deny me disability because I have no insurance.
Here is the cost to my family. We would have qualified for insurance through disability (Medicare and in KS [surprisingly] auto puts Medicaid secondary) back pay of around $25,000+ net (after taxes/attorney) $2103/month (our expenses are around $2200/month)
We have $1.97 in checking. We have rent paid for Dec then we will be facing shutoffs on utilities. My wife has no family to speak of, my father turns 70 and is going on a fixed income. In addition, because of my Mother's stroke, Dad is unable to gift money above a certain amount ($500?) so it has to be in the form of a loan. Which we are about $15,000 in debt to him.
This is pretty devastating to us. While those that have followed my story here know that I lost all confidence in this process a long time ago. I wasn't "banking" on winning in spite of an attorney (Till the hearing) telling me we had a great chance, I definitely meet the conditions.
I have no idea what I will do. I don't even know what I can physically do. My back and hip have deteriorated. The MRI's 2 years apart showed significant changes and we are now a year later. For my part....I should have pushed more on the back. I was so focused on avoiding surgery and/or pain meds that I may have inadvertently under emphasized those issues.
I should have played the game. Trips to the ER, perhaps a weekend away on a psych hold. He never referenced my 2 sessions where we did talk about In Patient as in early May I started crashing hard. I wasn't sleeping and my emotions were so raw....
I really hope if people read this they refrain from saying "It will be ok." That very much diminishes my situation and if we are going to be honest on here then we need to accept that sometimes it really is bad. There really are not easy answers. Real people feel the pain of stigma and decisions and judges, etc....
This is my life, not just a "story." My 6 and 12 year old girls are real, they breathe, eat and poop and everything. (sorry needed some humor)
I am aware that all I can do is hope my insurance is reinstated. Go back to surgery, ortho and pain Dr. There comes a point though where I have to feed my family.
And people wonder why I don't want to be in the "present."