Without dredging the details lets say "Message Received" I will need to find permanent FT work. To note, one job they said I qualify for is an eyeglass polisher. Sort of been my secret dream for years.
It's hard to ask for help. A year ago we put up a gofundme account to avoid our utilities being shut off. One friend donated $50 and another 4 unfriended me on face book
I feel abandoned by state and country. We are now facing utility shutoffs, food issues and other bills we are unable to pay.
At the end of the day doesn't really matter what I think or even what you the reader thinks. I can extol all the reasons I will lose and some may be valid others may not. But it doesn't matter. I will lose and I have 4 other people to provide for. Losing doesn't just mean not having an income going forward it affects the last 14 months as well. From the beginning everyone thought my case was a "no brainer" and in hindsight it was just not the side of the brain we thought. So loans and gifts along the way were all based on what we thought would be an automatic.
We own a minivan that is in awesome shape and has very low mileage....but in this economy we haven't had many inquiries even, plus that would then render us without a way to get to the store or Dr appt's. Of course we have no insurance currently so I have no Dr to advocate for my hip and back which would at a minimum qualify for disability for a year, the judge basically said he could accept that I could not stand or walk more than 2 hours a day.
This is real life. These are the problems we face everyday.
Presuming I do lose that means my country has said, "yeah you have borderline, depression and serious back/hip issues....so sorry though you don't qualify for disability."
If it sounds like a poor pity me party then I don't know what to say. We simply live in a society that does not understand or fully accept Mental Health as a real diagnosis. More so in the heart of the state of Sam Brownbackistan.
For those of you that are playing along at home with these primaries I hope everyone realizes that every Republican candidate outside of Kasich will cut (more like BUTCHER) all funding for MH and Medicaid. It started in Kentucky last night and within minutes of being elected the new governor promised to trim Medicaid by changing the eligibility, same as they did here. Claiming he will trim some 400,000 recipients to a smaller number. Now to note there is NO cost to the state for Medicaid recipients till 2020 when the state will assume 10%. So it looks and smells malicious. Why would a state deny the poorest people health care at NO COST TO THE STATE?
I know myself, I think you all know that. I know that recovery and providing for my family in a FT job simply do not work well. I say that like I could get a job. I now have 3 2+ year gaps in my resume, I was already losing to younger candidates 6 years ago and I am now near 50.
When I am working I only know 1 way to go and that is at 110%. Part of that is a good work ethic and part of that is fear. The few employers (ex bosses) I have shared some of this with never responded.
Part of my recovery is learning to view the world a different way. It feels like I have been trying to put a circle through a square for 48 years but not being given the freedom to continue to work on getting better and being a better employee, boss, etc....really sucks.